How to begin to describe this life changing experience.
First, I have to go back to my months and weeks leading up to the event. I was scared. Nervous. Unsure of what to expect. Especially as someone who’s never done many psychedelics before, I didn’t have much of a frame of reference to understand what I might experience.
The conversations leading up to the retreat with Steve helped to calm my anxieties but also to prepare me for the seriousness of what was about to occur.
But as an entrepreneur and someone who’s been devoted to personal exploration and development, I trusted that this had come into my life for a reason.
After speaking with Steve, I did my best to follow his advice and calm my nervous system, work less, remove caffeine and alcohol from my diet, and enter a space of general “zen.”
Upon arriving at Steve and Austin’s beautiful property, I immediately knew we were in good hands.
Austin is incredibly calm, compassionate, and empathetic, it’s hard not to feel loved and so well looked after in her presence. Along with Steve’s knowledge, strong leadership and lighthearted humour, together they have created the perfect atmosphere for a life shifting retreat like this.
We spent the first evening sitting around the fire, Steve and Austin answering all our questions, giving us details without too much information. Reassuring us that we would have a unique experience of our very own.
Side note: their two dogs, Miso and Bamboo, are the cutest and I was glad to receive Bamboo’s licks that further made me feel at home!
The next day was journey time. We went into silence, journaled and prepared ourselves for what was to “enfold.”
My mantra I repeated to myself many times that day was: “I am safe. I am supported. Whatever happens today is meant to happen.”
My partner, Scott, witnessed my journey that day. The room itself is full of natural light, and having Austin, Steve, and Scott surrounding me, I felt safe.
My first journey, the handshake, was a bit… dark. Dense. Very 3D. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was bothering me, but the heaviness of it was intense. I was scared to go further, but Steve reassured me the next journey could be different or perhaps the same.
The hug seemed like just that – a hug! An incredible experience of overwhelming, unconditional love. It felt like being bathed in the presence of my grandmother’s love as a child, but this time by the entire universe. I received a knowingness that my intuition is my connection to this source of unconditional love. That it is there to protect me, reassure me, and that it is indeed real.
I came out of that experience with happy tears, laughs, and a profound sense of belonging.
I was touched to see Austin wiping away a tear too. Everyone in the room seemed on the journey with me, with an understanding and great “feel” for what I was experiencing.
The full release was intense. Powerful. It took me! I saw some visuals and at times felt the intensity was too much for me, but instead of withdrawing from that fear, I dove into it, explored it. And that made it dissipate, allowing me to enjoy the euphoric love and connection in those minutes.
Coming back into my body was a beautiful experience that felt like being reborn.
Having Austin and Steve’s voices and touch on my hands, arms and face helped tremendously to guide these journeys in a positive and loving direction.
Being back in the journey room, I felt so alive. I stood out on the balcony in the sun. And the taste of the raspberries they provided was the best thing I’d ever had! (Except for perhaps the beautiful meals Austin had prepared throughout the retreat).
It’s incredibly difficult to put this experience into words, which is frustrating as someone who hasn’t experienced 5meo but completely the case once you have.
5-meo brings feelings and ‘knowings’ that don’t exist in the human language.
But what I can say is that this experience has been pivotal for me. It’s been a week since I journeyed and it’s been one of the happiest in my life. Things are falling into place. Synchronicities are occurring. There is ease and space in my days where before there was primarily stress and pressure. I see others through a lens of love and compassion instead of competitiveness and fear.
And it’s because I now know for sure there is so much more, that we are all connected to this boundless energy, and that genuinely nothing that happens in our day to day can change that fact.
Being human, having a body, is a blessing and we should all be doing our best to connect to gratitude, unconditional love, and to allow ourselves to enjoy our time here.
Thank you Steve and Austin for creating this experience. You’ll forever have a dear place in my heart and I could not imagine having done that any other way.