A continuing unfolding

Its been around 7 weeks since I did the retreat and it has taken me time to be able to even begin to describe the impact and ongoing impacts from the experience.

It is hard to describe in words, an experience that is so beyond words. The feeling of dissolving and the me that I am, just no longer existing was beyond profound and I am not even going to try and put it into words, but needless to say it was and remains a life changing experience. Later in the ceremony when I felt like I was looking at myself/ego and felt this strong detachment from “me” has continued to be an anchor moving forward. I just can’t buy into my old stories in the same way. The feelings, beliefs etc. are there but the attachment and identification to them is just not there, making it much easier to do the work. I’m just no longer invested in keeping those old stories going and the wonderful part is that this perspective is just there, I am not having to “think” it or coach myself into it.

I feel as though, while I have no conscious memory for much of the ceremony, whatever was experienced continues to unfold and I am noticing subtle and yet profound differences. I am using the breathwork provided in the integration resources and this has been a very powerful tool for me in being present and experiencing whatever is going on and then it feels like the old hooks dissolve and the clarity that I am not my ego returns. Its like there is this imprint/experience from the ceremony that I don’t consciously remember, but as I do the work of integration, there is an unfolding that is happening that in many ways feels familiar. lt is beyond my conscious control, and it is not my ego or mind driving this process. I can’t really say how or why, but I can sense something else is present and responsible for much of the integration. Not sure what I call this presence, consciousness, awakening, life, flow and it doesn’t really matter, but I can feel this presence. It feels bigger and yet also grounded in my body.

So while the day to day situations are still there to deal with, my relationship to these situations and responses are very different. Despite the outward challenges, I truly feel happy and at peace and not living in the future or fear. I am sleeping so soundly and deeply and my body feels so much lighter.

The wealth of integration resources that you provide is really wonderful and I don’t feel the integration would be what it is, without these resources, in particular the breathwork has been key for me. The monthly integration circles are a real gift. The first few weeks home were bumpy but the integration resources really were an anchor and continue to be so. Being 7 weeks post retreat, I have an even greater appreciation for the importance of the ongoing work post retreat.

What you both provide at Enfold is the most loving embrace, leading to truly transformational and life changing experiences. I honestly can’t imagine any retreat centre doing it better. That loving embrace was an invitation to go as deep as I was able to go, and the transformation has been profound and beyond what I imagined or hoped for.

I can’t thank both of you enough…..words just can’t capture the difference this experience has made and continues to make in my life.

Much love and gratitude, A