Receiving love that I never had as a child.
The time there alone was an experience of itself. The medicine was an added bonus.
I went into this experience curious and nervous about the unknown. I did not go in with expectations as if it was some magic pill that was going to change my life. I went in ready to fully surrender and let the medicine do its work.
What I got was not at all what I expected. I find when you set expectations it becomes easy to become discouraged and let down about whatever you are experiencing.
To get right into the ceremony itself, there were 3 stages. The handshake, the hug, then the release. The handshake allowed me to understand how the medicine works as well as shake off all the nerves resulting in me being able to fully surrender for the hug without any anxiety
The hug was the most impactful phase for me.
Growing up my parents weren’t always around physically and mentally. They also broke up when I was really young. I don’t remember them ever working together to make me feel loved as a child. They did their best individually but together I don’t recall these memories.
When I did the second dose and I came back to a slight consciousness I remember it feeling like Steve was my father and Austin was my mother. I opened my eyes for a brief second and recall them both working together providing love for the little Conor he never really had. (my inner child)
My mother was around more often growing up and did everything in her power to make me feel comfortable and loved so I recall immediately leaning to Austin to be held and feeling a tremendous amount of love from my “mom”. That’s what felt natural.
Then I recall reaching my hand out to see if Steve (My Dad) would reach for it. And he did. That’s when emotions started pouring out. I felt love that I don’t think I have ever felt, at least that I can remember.
I’ve been told to do inner child work before and digging that deep and breaking down these barriers can be extremely hard on your own. There’s so much of your ego that becomes involved and it’s hard becoming that vulnerable. With this experience it gave me the tools necessary to completely surrender and wipe my ego away allowing me to feel something I honestly don’t recall ever feeling.
The final dose was honestly a bit of a blur for me. I don’t recall much of it at all. And I think that’s the way it was supposed to be. The medicine had completed its work for what I was ready for at that time.
This is a life changing experience. I could not have asked for better facilitators and I am extremely grateful for the experience I’ve had and where it has led me to. It has opened up so many more doors for deeper work to be done. I believe this is the first big step on a lifelong journey.
Thank you 🙏🏼